Getting What you Want Out of Dating
With just about anything in life, to get what you want, you have to put in some
effort and also make your desires known. Dating is an exception. That’s because it is all
about your personality, and because it really doesn’t take any effort to be you or to be the
type of person you are. But it may take some effort to suppress undesirable aspects of
your personality. There are some actions that you can take while dating however, to
ensure that you get what you are looking for.
You need to be honest with yourself and you have to be able to define and know
what it is that you want or hope for. If you haven’t really examined yourself to determine
what you truly want from dating someone, then it will be quite easy for you to become
frustrated and disappointed. That’s because you will have a feeling of dissatisfaction and
you won’t be fulfilled.
While for most people the purpose of dating will be to find out more about a
person and hopefully to develop a lifelong relationship that will include marriage or a
similar commitment, it’s not what everyone is looking for. You need to therefore decide
if that’s what you are looking for. If it’s not, then it means you could begin dating
someone and when it’s time for the relationship to move on to the stage of being serious
and committed to each other, you will feel like withdrawing or may even want to get out
of it.
Instead of dating for that reason, you could simply want to have a deep,
committed and intimate bond with someone without necessarily thinking about marriage
or a civil union. You could want a partner with whom you know you can share anything,
can confide in and can also enjoy shared interests. If this is known to your date, then he
or she won’t be expecting any other type of commitment and there won’t be any
miscommunication about what you both desire from your dating experiences.
To get what you want out of dating, you also have to analyze yourself. You will need to
look at past dating experiences and assess what you could and would do differently. The
reason to do this is to enable you to not make the same mistakes you may have made with
past dates that you had. While it’s easy to blame the other person and deflect blame from
yourself, it’s worth it to assess how you may have contributed to a failed dating
relationship. Otherwise, you could have some fault that will remain unknown to you,
which you will carry into other dating relationships and which will also negatively affect
them.
In analyzing yourself, you also will need to listen to what others say about you
and learn so that you can make any necessary adjustments and change. While you will
think you know yourself best, you have to put importance on how your actions, behavior
and attitude affect others, because that’s also a reflection of the type of person you are.
And you have to be brave and have the courage to change, to tone down aspects of your
personality or to show other attitudes and qualities that aren’t been seen. That way, you
can have some certainty of knowing that your date will also experience the best of your
personality.
For your dates to be fulfilling, you will also need to be ready to look at yourself
and your date objectively and not through ‘rose-colored lenses.’ That means you have to
be honest and admit if you see flaws, faults or character traits that you don’t like. If you
aren’t objective, you can deny what you see simply because it doesn’t fit your desire. In
so doing, you would only be setting up yourself for disappointment however.
Being honest with yourself and about your date, and clearly knowing what you
desire from the dating relationship are the only ways to ensure that those desires will e
met, or if not, that you won’t suffer needless disappointment.
